Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The dance changes again


During this time I had to have another surgery on my left leg that did not work left me unable to walk without a walker, after getting hurt on the job, they fired me after being released from workers comp because I cannot drive a forklift with a walker, I fell into a deep depression, it was all too much for me to handle. My husband became my rock; he did everything from taking care of the kids to the house work and worked a full time job, and never once complained.  The calls from the school continued for Shane, meltdowns and anger over being bullied, I have been fighting this for years at the school, doing all I could do for my son,  The meeting and being told they had handled it, Shane was becoming more and more withdrawn, we increased his therapy to include one a week at the school.
            No parent should ever get the call that they need to get to the school right away, that there was a problem, but they happen, until the one day I got the call that my son was in the fetal position in the classroom rocking back and forth having suffered a complete mental break from an incident that happened in the lunchroom with the one person who was not suppose to be anywhere near him. It was at that time that I had to make the heartbreaking choice to follow the professional’s recommendation to put him in a behavioral health center or bring him home with me and hold him. I will never forget the long drive there, my son who had never spent any time away from me unless it was with the bio, was being admitted to the hospital for being harmful to himself. Shane hated it and me for leaving him there. The daily calls begging me to come get him, he was being hit by staff and crying that I did not love him broke my heart, but I held my ground, even though my heart was breaking I left him there.
             Visitation was only two days a week for two hours a day, the drive was long and hard on my back and leg, but nothing was going to keep me from seeing my son. This affected his brother in a way that I did not expect; he was sullen for the first couple of days and cried for me to bring Shane home, at 7 he did not understand, hell sometimes neither did I. The day the doctor called me and told me that Shane had Autism will stay with me forever, I always suspected he did but when I heard those words I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Panic set in, will I be able to help him have a happy life, will he be able to process this information when we told him and how would he handle it.  

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