Nothing is as what it seems, and when we are kids, we have this insight as to how we want our lives to turn out. Marriage, kids, house, and a career, then one day you realize that for whatever reason, you hit a bump in the road, at seventeen I was told I would never have children, so my course in life changes. I start to work on my career, moved from Tennessee to Virginia in the middle of December for my job, three weeks later; I would hit another bump a surprising scary bump. I was pregnant at 36, shocked beyond belief and six home pregnancy tests later my pregnancy is confirmed by a doctor.
Fear sets in at this moment, thinking back to what I had done that could be harmful to the baby growing inside me. The Bio and I married, not happily but for me it was so I would not have to hear the bitching from his perfectly southern when she wanted to be mother. I had an uneventful pregnancy until the 28th week, toxemia set in making for a very difficult situation being the only one working. Shane Robert Walker 6 pounds 1 ounce and 19 inches long, born August 11, 2001 at 1:06 pm. Six weeks early, healthy as a horse. I had the amniocentesis done because of my age; there were no abnormalities, or Down’s syndrome. I was in love, looking in to his face with his bright blue eyes and heart shaped mouth bald as all get out and he had my heart.
I spent the first three months of his life on leave spending every moment just in awe of this little man, one I was told I would never have, as he got older, I don’t know call it over cautious, or mothers intuition but something was wrong. He was not a fussy baby, hardly cried, but there was something not right, when he was a toddler I noticed, he was content spending all of his time alone, lining up his toys rocking back and forth, and making what I call this humming noise. Still when I mentioned this to his pediatrician, I was told to calm down, but I could not shake the feeling. Fast forward to September 5, 2002, Matthew Hunter came into this world weight 8 pounds 9 ounces 21 inches long via C- section. He was beautiful, head full of hair blue eyes and cried the minute he was out, and again he had my heart.
Shane was curious but cautious with his brother after trying to feed him a hot dog his first day home from the hospital, he would help with the diapers, sometimes just because, he wanted to feed him, but still no words were spoken. As Matthew got older his brother was his idol, he would crawl after Shane wherever he went. At 4 years old Shane started pre-school, he had speech therapy and would speak only occasionally, he was a fire cracker never sitting still, always walking on his tippy toes, and every time I brought it to the attention of the teacher of pediatrician I was told he would grow out of it. So life went on, calls about behavior issues, not being on task, not able to sit still………..He would come home from school upset and crying and hold on to me as if he were terrified. Matthew would crawl to him and laugh, Matthew was a mover and a shaker always into things, I could not leave him alone for long periods to go take a shower or get me something to eat or drink.
Through out all of this their dad, who I was married to at the time was angry all the time, he would yell and say mean nasty things to me in front of the boys, I need to say that I worked two jobs due to the fact that he was legally blind and did not want to work, I say this because I know several people who do work and have no sight at all. I blame the environment he grew up in, his mother always did everything for him and he never learned how to stand up to her, she despised me and that was fine, I did not care much for her. I had told him I wanted a divorce, he however did not want one and refused to leave, not wanting to kick a blind man out I let him stay in the house. There comes a time when you realize that your kids are more important then what people think.
My mother passed away in September of 2003, and he cheered, he hated and yes he had said so on many occasions, I was devastated. He did not show any concern for any of that and his attitude changed. I had to sneak out with the boys to visit my family he told me on several occasions he did not want the boys around them, which I find funny because he wanted me to abort both boys. I came home from work one day to have my neighbor stop me and tell me she had to bring Matthew back to the house, my baby was wandering outside while he was playing games on the computer. The fight that happened was ugly and he got physical, from that point I slept on the couch, as bad as it sounds I had to work and I had a babysitter.
Shane continued to have problems, and no one listened until he was in the 2nd grade, I will always be grateful to his teacher, she listened and finally gave me the referral I needed. After testing and counseling ADHD/ODD and GAD were the diagnoses. I struggled with the idea of putting him on medication at such a young age, and in the end I decided he deserved to have a “normal” childhood and our journey began. Matthew was still on the go, he would however tell on himself when he did something wrong, broke something or got into stuff he knew he should not. When Matthew started preschool, the school psychologist suggested he be tested for ADHD, and no surprise there he was started on medication.
One day while working at Wendy’s, this man came into apply for a job so he could pay child support, he had the most beautiful eyes and a smile that lit up his entire face, he was hired and we started talking and spending our breaks together. For the first time in years I felt like a person, he listened to me and spoke to me in a kind voice. I was still married, I had made the decision earlier in the year that when the boys were going to visit the bio’s mother that I would take him and when I picked the boys up, he would not becoming home with me. I was done; I had enough verbal and physical abuse to last a life time. So Chris and I started spending time together, yes in public I was happy, one night while sitting outside talking to the bio, a car pulled up in the driveway. The argument that happened opened my eyes to what I could lose. Ben was in the house screaming at Chris all the while holding a butchers knife threatening to kill us. I was more scared that I had lost Chris, he gave me an ultimatum, and left. My heart was breaking, and I cried for hours.
I do not think I give Chris enough credit for what he has done for our family, he has made the house a home and brought positive energy into out lives. The boys were coming out of their shells and smiling a lot more, we all were.
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